


the kingdom knows, the mind will doubt

by sugdensrobert



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Post Reunion 3.0, Reassuring Aaron, lots of fluff and comfort, surrogacy talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:47:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24230809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugdensrobert/pseuds/sugdensrobert
Summary: robron week 2020 day 7 - work, work, work.when robert throws himself into work, aaron realises what's going on.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	the kingdom knows, the mind will doubt

“Robert” Aaron sighs, he’s on the couch waiting for Robert to join him. They’ve eaten and cleared up the kitchen, Liv’s upstairs studying, hopefully, and Seb’s sleeping soundly after a bedtime story. One of Aaron’s favourite parts of the day is about to start, or it would be if Robert was cuddled up next to him, complaining about whatever was on telly or talking to him about his day.

“Sorry, sorry I just really want to get this finished.” Aaron can’t resist sighing again. He’s watching his husband, who’s sitting at the kitchen table staring at his laptop screen, a frown on his face. “You’ve been at it the whole day Rob, you deserve to have an evening off now.”

“No, I- can’t- I don’t-” Robert’s voice breaks a bit and Aaron frowns. Robert suddenly has his face in his hands and Aaron jumps up.

“Rob- hey what’s going on eh? Talk to me please?” Aaron tries to keep his voice gentle while trying to ignore the worry he feels seeing his husband like this. He sits next to Robert at the kitchen table and places a hand on the older man’s shoulder, stroking gently.

Robert’s been all over the place this last week and Aaron thinks it’s finally taking its toll. His husband had been very busy with the haulage business, trying to impress a load of new potential clients while also trying to get on top of a whole stack of paperwork that hadn’t been looked at for a while. With Jimmy off on holiday, Robert had also taken it upon himself to do some of his tasks even though Aaron had pointed out that he really didn’t have to do that but the older man was somehow adamant that it was on him to keep the business in order- even when it wasn’t and the haulage business was doing perfectly fine. Aaron felt he hadn’t seen much of Robert at all this week even when they had both been working at the scrapyard. Aaron had been on a few scrap runs further afield which meant they couldn’t have their daily lunch together and Robert had worked some longer hours than usual, sometimes continuing work at home, like now.

“Sorry.” Robert says and looks up at Aaron. “I am fine- honestly.”

“Robert” Aaron warns and the older man sighs. ‘I am just tired.” And Aaron knows that, Robert’s eyes are bloodshot and he looks warn and pale. Aaron suddenly feels guilty for not pushing Robert to talk sooner.

“I know that Rob, I can see that. You’ve been tossing and turning at night, working long hours. You seem withdrawn and I am worried about you. You can tell me anything you know that.”

“Aaron” Robert gasps, hands flying to hold one of Aaron’s “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to- I was just trying so hard to-“ he trails off as Aaron looks at him with wide eyes. “Trying to do what Rob?” he asks gently, covering both Robert’s hands with his remaining one. He watches Robert smile at their hands gently before he looks up at him again.

“I just really want it all to work this time Aaron. And I am so worried I am going to let you down- let our family down.” Robert sounds so defeated that tears pool in Aaron’s eyes immediately even though he still has no idea what his husband is getting at. Just hearing Robert talk like this makes Aaron want to hold him in his arms forever.

“Robert- what are you talking about eh? You could never let me down, please don’t say that.”

“I will if I don’t make enough money because then we won’t be able to afford the surrogacy and live comfortably during and after Lucy’s pregnancy and-“

“God Robert, is that what this is about?” Aaron can’t believe he hadn’t seen it, hadn’t realised that his husband had started pushing himself like this just after Lucy had told them the good news. He had been to blinded by his happiness, their happiness.

It had been a few months ago now that Aaron had finally convinced Robert that it would work out, that they were going to get there, eventually. About six months after Robert had gotten out of prison after serving just one year he had carefully mentioned children again. Aaron’s heart had broken when he realised that Robert had been scared to mention it because he didn’t think Aaron still wanted that with him. As if one year apart could have changed that, could have made Aaron not want that with Robert anymore. Aaron couldn’t imagine that and made sure Robert knew that.

After that Robert had still been worried, worried that he was going to be the problem, that he was going to be the one that would mess it up for them. Aaron never stopped telling him that they were going to find the right person to carry their baby for them, that the road probably wasn’t going to be easy what with them both having a criminal record now but that it was going to work out. And it did and Aaron had stopped waking up to Robert tossing and turning in bed, wrecked with thoughts that he was going to be the one to ruin it all. They found Lucy who had fallen in love with them and told them that she was more than happy to carry their baby for them. That was only two weeks ago.

Straight after Lucy had told them the good news they had been busy getting everything sorted and ready to get the process started. And there had been a lot of celebrating, of course. His mum hadn’t been able to stop herself from throwing them a party at the pub, just a small one. It had been such an amazing week but Aaron realises that they had sort of lived in a bubble. It hits him now as he watches his husband all worked up and worried about failing him, failing them. It wasn’t that Aaron hadn’t noticed the bubble bursting ever so slightly after a week. He wouldn’t be him if he hadn’t started getting slightly anxious too, worried that things wouldn’t work out. Lucy wanting to have a baby for them was amazing and a big first step but they didn’t even know whether she was going to fall pregnant, whether it was going to work the first time round. And even then- things could still go wrong. He had also been thinking quite a lot about his mum and Grace. Of course he hadn’t told Robert any of this, realising now that he had been just as bad as the older man with holding stuff back.

And this was so typically Robert wasn’t it? His husband had tried to supress the worry and fear he felt by focussing on something he felt he could control- money, their income.

“Robert, I am so sorry.” He reaches out to tilt up his husband’s face, Robert now watching him with wide eyes.

“Why are you sorry? You haven’t done anything wrong?” Robert frowns.

“I should have realised that you being so in your head this week was connected with Lucy and the surrogacy.”

“No Aaron- I am sorry I should have told ya.”

“Yeah you should have but-“

“Aaron no- it’s just, I didn’t even really realise myself quite how bad it had gotten. I am sorry I’ve been off this week. I should have told ya and I didn’t. I guess something in me was also scared I’d upset ya or something. Because we are supposed to be happy- and I am. I really am. I am so grateful Lucy wants to do this for us but I can’t help but feel worried- like it’s too good to be true or something. And I didn’t want you to feel worried as well, it felt selfish.”

“Oh Rob-“ Aaron says, he can feel the fresh tears pooling in his eyes. “You could never upset me with your worries you do know that don’t you?”

“I know that I promise you. I guess I was being daft by not telling you because I worried you thought I was daft.”

Aaron can’t help but laugh a little at that and he’s relieved to see Robert smiles too, eyes crinkling slightly. “Well I know you’re a bit daft but not because you are worried or concerned about something. Never.” Aaron’s all serious again and Robert meets his eyes and nods.

“I should have told you I was anxious too.” Aaron watches Robert’s eyes widen, his mouth opening to say something but Aaron stops him by squeezing his hand.

“Rob- it’s okay. I am okay. I guess after I- we had processed the news a bit I started getting worried- you know me, just having all these thoughts about it going wrong. Thought about my mum and Grace too and I just-“

“God Aaron. Why didn’t you tell me?” Aaron can’t help but laugh a bit, shaking his head and Robert does the same “I know, I know- I can’t really talk but Aaron I hate that you were dealing with these thoughts and I didn’t know. I should have realised, of course you’d be thinking about Grace and-“

“No Robert, like you just told me- it’s not your fault that you didn’t know. How could you? I mean Lucy isn’t even pregnant yet but my thoughts just ran away with me a bit.”

“Same here I guess.” Robert says but Aaron doesn’t want to stop the conversation just yet, he can’t afford to. He squeezes his husband’s hand again as he tells him “with you though Rob, I’m sorry I didn’t see it. I know you and I should have realised that you throwing yourself into work was a way of trying to control something. It often is and I know that.” Robert is staring down at their hands, avoiding his gaze and Aaron sighs. “I need you to realise this Robert” he’s about to tell Robert something he’s told him before but it’s clear the older man needs reminding of it today. And Aaron will continue to remind him for as long as it’s needed.

“We’re in this together you and me. Robert- if things were to go wrong in any way it wouldn’t be on you. You don’t have to make up for stuff because you went to prison. If we still hadn’t found a surrogate that wouldn’t have been your fault, I went to prison too remember? And if we were to struggle with money it wouldn’t be just up to you to sort it, to push yourself to exhaustion. Why would it? Robert we both work, if it’s necessary we can both do extra shifts, not just you.”

Aaron feels tears pooling in his eyes against what he’s feeling, this outpouring love for Robert and the way he wants to protect the older man from ever feeling guilty or responsible for everything in their lives.

“Rob?” Seconds of silence have passed and his husband hasn’t responded yet, he’s just staring at their intertwined hands. Robert does look up at him then, clearly registering the upset on Aaron’s face and he untangles one hand, reaches out to hold at Aaron’s face.

“You’re amazing you know that.” And Aaron huffs slightly, leaning into Robert’s touch. “I love you so much, I-“ he wants to say _I don’t deserve you_ but he knows Aaron will shoot him down, hates it when he says that even if it’s what Robert thinks. “I didn’t mean to upset you with all of this. I know I am not alone Aaron, I promise I know that. I just want to make you happy- and I know pushing myself like this isn’t doing that, but you’re right- sometimes I just lose my head a bit and do the wrong things.”

“For the right reason.” Aaron adds “and Robert- you make me so so happy. You know you’re enough don’t ya? Yeah, I’d love to add to our family but if things don’t work out it doesn’t mean that I’d feel like we’re incomplete or summat. And I need you to know that it wouldn’t be your fault in any way.”

Aaron knows Robert has this habit of shouldering the blame for things that aren’t his fault and he’s determined to try and stop it whenever he can, whenever he spots Robert trying to somehow turn things on himself.

“C’mere” Robert says suddenly as he stands up. Aaron mirrors him and Robert quickly wraps his arms around Aaron, tucking his face into his neck. Aaron latches on to him, rubbing his back gently. They sway for a little while, soaking up the comfort they give each other.

“’M sorry for trying to hide it. I should have told you.” Robert mumbles into his neck.

“It’s ok Rob. I should have gotten you to talk sooner though, I know pushing you does help sometimes and I should have done in this case.”

“Oi- none of that. You tell me not to take responsibility for everything but neither should you. We both know you can be pretty good at that too.”

“Okay, you win.” Aaron laughs, knowing that his husband got a very valid point.

They sway for a few silent seconds more when Aaron notices how Robert seems to almost sag into the hug more and more. He kisses at Robert’s shoulder before letting him go.

“Hmm” Robert mumbles and Aaron smiles at him fondly. “Rob, you need sleep.”

It wasn’t anything Aaron wasn’t expecting and it would be quite hilarious if Aaron wasn’t still feeling so concerned about the blond- because even though Robert almost fell asleep against him he still blurts out “no- no, not just yet I have to finish this quote I started working on.”

“Yeah nice try.”

“I am serious!”

“Rob, so am I. You’re exhausted, you nearly nodded off in my arms. You said yourself you’re tired.”

“But I’ve made a start on it already. It shouldn’t take me too long and then tomorrow I can start taking it easier again yeah?”

“Robert- you can look at it tomorrow with a fresh head. All you need now is sleep.”

“Aaron-“

“Robert, please.” Aaron’s voice cracks a bit and Robert’s mouth shuts abruptly.

“Aaron- I am okay you know?”

“I know, and you’ll be even more okay if you get to bed and sleep. I just want you to get some rest now. I know what you’re like and if I let you just finish up your work you will still be sat here in two hours, making it all perfect. I know it’s been a while since you’ve had one but I don’t want you having another seizure because you’re not looking after yourself properly.” It really had been a while since Robert had suffered another seizure, the last time had been just two weeks after Robert had moved back into the Mill, still fresh out of prison.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I am exhausted.”

“Yeah always am aren’t I? I’m just going to clear up here and then I’ll follow you up okay?

“Yes boss.”

“Oi you” Aaron grins. He’s relieved he’s made Robert listen, knows how stubborn the blond can be.

“Go check on Seb and then _sleep._ ” Aaron kisses Robert between his eyebrows and then all but pushes him up the stairs.

Aaron knows Robert has fallen asleep or he would have come to see why Aaron hadn’t followed him up yet. He smiles, closes Robert’s laptop and yawns. He knows Robert will want to check over his work tomorrow, to see if he did it correctly but at least it’s done. It will give Robert less work to do tomorrow so he can immediately start taking it easy.

As he opens the door to their bedroom he sees Robert laying in the middle of their bed, his head on Aaron’s cushion. He quickly changes into his pyjamas and goes to lay next to his husband. Robert stirs at the movement and Aaron gently runs his hand through his hair.

“Aaron?”

“Yeah it’s me.”

“Have I only just fallen asleep?” Robert mumbles against Aaron’s cushion, eyes still closed. “I don’t know, don’t think so it’s a bit later now.” Aaron replies softly, not even sure whether Robert is awake enough to fully understand him.

“Where have you been?” Robert’s squinting at Aaron now, hardly able to keep his eyes open.

“Finished your work didn’t I” Aaron grins, wanting to see Robert’s reaction.

“What- I, I didn’t ask you to do that?” Robert’s looking at him all confused.

“I know but I wanted to. I do have some business knowledge you know? You can check it all over tomorrow but now it’s time to sleep.”

Robert closes his eyes again and Aaron’s surprised that the blond doesn’t fight him on it.

“I trust ya.” Robert mumbles as he pulls Aaron to his chest “’n thank you, you didn’t have to do that. I love ya.” Robert’s voice is becoming slurred with sleep again and Aaron kisses his chest.

“We make a good team, huh?” Aaron whispers “goodnight Rob, I love ya too.”


End file.
